I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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