Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
