my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
