I am in a vortex of obligation.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
