Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
