i wish there were pregnant emoticons
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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