I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
