I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
4 words: hood of his car
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
