it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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