hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
