capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
