It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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