i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
