I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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