Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
