like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
