Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
