Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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