If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
