Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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