I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
