So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
