Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
