my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
whose ass print is on the piano?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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