Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
and she was petting her beer can
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize