i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
This is my life. Enjoy the view
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
