I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
our cab driver is having phone sex.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize