Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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