Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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