I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
