i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
