hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
