Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
