Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
my sisters under your porch take her home
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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