also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
