i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
