I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
