You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
