We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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