2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
look no pants
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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