NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
