Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
