Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
