i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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