There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I pour the whiskey from now on
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
