dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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