There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
