i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
