Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You took a bar mat shot.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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