this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
