I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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