Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
