i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
