Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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