I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
