so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Randomize
