What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Your tits are I can't wait for
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
