can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
