I'm sorry my penis didn't work
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
