She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
