i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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