There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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