Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
