She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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