I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
