I wish i was in the wii world.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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