I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Randomize
