oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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