apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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