I love black thongs
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
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