Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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