Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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