just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize