The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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