you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
So much rum. So many feels.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
