Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize