He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
