you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Blood and glitter go together right?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
