I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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