Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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