I think i peed on brittanys purse
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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