no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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