I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
