Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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