I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
