And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
