I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
