i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
