Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
