just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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