Only a mothe r could love this liver
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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