Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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