how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
