no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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