____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
